She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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