the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
