I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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