If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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