when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
