I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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