Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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