My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
