If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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