so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
