Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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