Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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