Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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