You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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