Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
