I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
