TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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