I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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