You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
