I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
