She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my shit smells like andre
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
