It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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