He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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