I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
