I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
