I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
