He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
