every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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