i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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