How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
