There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize