Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
