How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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