I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
