My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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