jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
