Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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