Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
