I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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