So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
