that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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