No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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