i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
