I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
