i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
