Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
