u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
