At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
