I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
