i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
