She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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