ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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