I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
