nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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