I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
