I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't turn off my feet"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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