i barfeds in our rink
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
