I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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