Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
