got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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