i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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