I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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